WIN CITY
Want to survive a boys’ weekend in Vegas with your dough and dignity in tact? MH’s Creative Director ditched blackjack and showgirls for athletic excess on a 72-hour sporting binge
by DAVID ASHFORD
FRIDAY 15:30 SpeedVegas Track
With time scarce, I need to shake off my jet lag fast. At 225kmh to be precise, in a canary yellow Ferrari 258 Italia that somehow manages to stick to the bitumen as my calmly sadistic driver, Tony, repeatedly takes us to the brink of disaster on turn after hair-raising turn. Tony had told me to give him a thumbs up or down and he’d adjust his speed accordingly. With the needle nudging the limit thumbs up certainly isn’t the sane option but I boldly resist the urge to slow him down.
Afterwards, Tony is mildly impressed that I didn’t “scream like this big bodybuilder guy we had in last week” but assures me the car had more in it if I’d requested it.
A rev-head’s paradise, SpeedVegas is stocked with range of sleek car porn you can take for a spin around the circuit. I thought I’d be better off in the safe hands of a guy who once went around it 250 times in a day. Maybe that was a mistake.
FRIDAY 19:00 Vegas Golden Knights V Ottawa Senators, T-Mobile Arena
Officially jetlag-free I head to the gleaming copper colosseum that is the T-Mobile Arena, just off the Strip. It’s home to Vegas’ newest and brightest sporting franchise, the Golden Knights. A scorched city in the middle of the Nevada desert and an ice hockey team seem an unlikely marriage but with the Golden Knights sitting proudly on top of their division in their first season in the NHL, the locals have clearly fallen for them. VGK apparel is everywhere in the fan-friendly precinct alongside the arena. Vegas is already proving a popular destination for fans of visiting teams and tonight the crowd is full of Canadians escaping the late winter chill. The Ottawa Senators shock the hosts in a 5-4 thriller but the locals, perhaps happy just to have a team, don’t seem too disappointed. In 2020 they’ll get their own NFL team when the Raiders relocate here.
SATURDAY 11:00 Rugby Sevens, Sam Boyd Stadium
Next, I’m off to watch an even more unlikely contest. Rugby Sevens has hit town and the Las Vegas version has been getting bigger every year. Unfortunately, the weather is also in rare form with a biting cold wind cutting across Sam Boyd stadium. Our flapping hospitality marquee is perched tantalisingly close to the try line. Punters warm up with extra spicy Bloody Marys that splatter Tarantino- like as the frequent conversions spray the tent’s less attentive spectators. As the temperature heats up so do the fixtures. Kenya shocks Fiji, the Aussies brush aside Samoa and the US show why they’re the team everyone is talking about, especially superstar, Perry Baker. Imagine if you gave Usain Bolt a rugby ball. The Americans around me watching the sport for the first time love it, especially when the hosts go on to win the tournament.
SATURDAY 20:00 UFC 222, T-Mobile Arena
It’s fight night in Vegas and I’m about to get my first taste of UFC. It’s back to the T-Mobile Arena where they’ve somehow managed to thaw out the ice and insert an octagon in less than 24 hours. From my bird’s-eye view the octagon seems surprisingly large. You get a sense of the ground fighters cover and, even though they’re tiny specs from up here, every shuddering blow rings through the air. This being Vegas I take up my driver’s tip to “have a few dollars on the skinny white kid with the bird wings tattoos” and cash in as the impressive Sean O’Malley causes an upset.
SUNDAY 09:00 - NASCAR
I step out of a helicopter feeling like a rockstar and enter the mysterious world of NASCAR. Most of my knowledge comes from watching Cars and Cars 2 with the kids. Today is the day when great swathes of the Mid West come to town, with close to 100,000 devotees visiting over the course of the weekend.
As the drivers are announced an almighty boo greets Vegas local, Kyle Busch. When I ask a fellow punter why he explains that 95 per cent of spectators aren’t from Vegas and therefore hate him.
As the drivers begin circling in formation amid a deafening roar, foam ear plugs are applied and the packed crowd wave their yellow towels. Then something happens that I hadn’t prepared for. Rather than running back and forth with armfuls of beer and fried chicken for a big redneck party, the crowd is actually here to watch the race. With the noise making conversation difficult, everyone is absorbed in the action. The track appears beneath me like a giant Scalextric starter pack spread across the Nevada landscape. There are no injuries or serious crashes but later my taxi driver tells me it was ‘the worst goddam NASCAR race’ he’d ever seen for that very reason.
SUNDAY 18:30 Topgolf
With my ears still ringing I head for the relative calm of Topgolf. Vegas does everything bigger and better and I’m on the mother of all driving ranges. Balls with sensors are struck across a neon-lit target range. The vibe is more bowling alley than golf course and players of every level pack the four tiers. The higher up you go the pricier it gets. By the top level you’re into Sheiks and celebrities territory and your booth comes with an infinity pool and a butler. I was quietly told JT and Samuel L Jackson are regulars up there.
As I watch my ball make a satisfying arc through the Vegas night towards its neon target, a smorgasbord of supersized televised sport behind me, it feels like the perfect way to end what has to be one of the best sporting weekends on the planet.
ACTIVITIES
Driving experience at SPEEDVEGAS speedvegas.com
Vegas Golden Knights fixtures available at nhl.com/goldenknights
Vegas Rugby Sevens at Sam Boyd Stadium March 1-3 2019 usasevens.com/las-vegas
GETTING THERE
United Airlines flies to Vegas via LA and San Francisco from most Australian capitals. united.com